Wednesday, November 6, 2013

A special day

Today is a special day in my life as it is the birthday of my little Ava.
Every time on her birthday I get emotional thinking of the roller coaster that came with her birth.
For this month's challenge in my Mixed Media group I encouraged you to "be Brave", tell a story you have been holding in, try something new, anything that would have you go out of your comfort zone.  This story seemed natural to tell as many of you have no idea and I know so many of you will be able to relate.  Here is my story about Being Brave.

After the wonderful experience that came along with Hannah's birth I welcomed the thought of a second child.  As mothers, we all have this thought of the amazing birth story that is going to occur to us, I call it the "White picket fence family".  Let's just say that's not what happened on that day........

Ava was born early and barely 4lbs, she was taken without me even being able to hold her for the first time as they realized something was wrong.  They say"everything looks great but we've noticed she does not have a bum hole.......What?!! my brain couldn't process what they were saying, I'm thinking can't you just take a pin and poke a hole? ( when you are on drugs the weirdest thoughts go through your head, don't judge LoL!)

I yell at Curtis "Go with her!!! don't leave her sight!!!!" as she is taken to NICU to assess what is wrong.  I am instantly filled with fear, regret, anger, panic and sadness.  I say to my mom "call my mother in law and get Hannah here right now, I need my girl by my side"

After what seemed like hours I was taken to see my baby girl in the NICU.  She was covered in tubes and was smaller than any baby I had seen before.  They took her out and placed her in my arms, I remember feeling the most empty feeling a mother could possibly feel after giving birth to a child.

I better not get too attached my brain kept telling me, what if she doesn't make it......They fairly quickly placed her back in the incubator and took me back to my room to rest.  My doctor came in with tears in his eyes to tell me they were going to have to air lift her to the children's hospital for further assessment but I could not go with her as I had complications with the birth and I needed to be hooked up to an IV for at least 24 hrs.

The medics roll this giant stretcher with machines and a tiny incubator where my little baby lays there sleeping, they tell me "we thought you might want to say good bye to her before we take her".... I remember almost yelling at them to please take this giant thing out of my room..... I didn't even look at her long enough to say good bye, I just couldn't.

The next morning I was released early so I can go see her at the children's hospital.  When I arrive I am overwhelmed by the machines and little people in this place.  Ava was assigned a nurse that had instantly fallen in love with her and was giving her the love I couldn't bring myself to give at that moment, I will always be thankful to her.
That day was filled with tests and we were called to the side by her assigned doctor.  She said I think you should sit down, I didn't out of complete defiance as if what she was going to tell me was going to be not as bad if I remain standing ( the insane thoughts that we go through during tough times)
Your daughter has a condition called VACTERL <-----( you can read more about this condition by clicking the link.


She continues to say "but she's very lucky that she does not have T&E as usually these kids do not have a good life expectancy" me sarcastically thinking "oh goodie!!! what wonderful news! can I punch you in the face!!" ( that was my angry faze LoL) .  She starts explaining what each of these things mean and how it relates to Ava and my knees give out and I stumble in to my husband's side, he holds me tight and I space out as if I've gone in to a bubble and all I can hear is the teacher from Charley Brown.

Ava undergoes surgery that evening to put in a Colostomy and we spend another month in the NICU until she regains weight and starts to eat on her own.  Ava goes through countless surgeries until she is the age of 1 where we had reconstructive surgery of her bowels and she gets a brand new bum hole ( don't take your bum hole for granted LoL!!!!)
Ava is now 6 and has gone through surgery almost every 4 months of her life so she's had approximately 20-25 surgeries to date for one reason or another.

So how does this make me brave you ask? well here is where my amazing Ava comes in.  After every single surgery Ava's recovery time and attitude was something her surgeons and doctors could not believe.  I remember her first back surgery to fix her curve in her spine, the very next day at 6 AM she propped herself up with no help and said "WALK".  I took her for a walk and when we came back physio came to see us and said "how is she walking?".... The next surgery was just like the last, after the anesthetic wore off Ava was ripping up and down the hallways of the hospital as if she was given energy juice instead of back surgery.  Her attitude was "I love surgery", I asked her "how come?" because they give me Jello and I get to watch Dora in bed.  Ava continues to see the beauty in a situation that is less than perfect and reminds me daily that life will throw you challenges but you need to see the beauty in those challenges.
Ava will undergo back surgery every 4-6 months until the age of 13 when she stops growing.  I don't know anyone more brave than my little girl, she embraces life for what it is and doesn't allow the challenges to bring her down.  I don't have to go through anything as traumatic as my child does and I sometimes get caught up in fear of doing something that I'm not comfortable doing.  She is my reminder that I can simply do anything and being brave does not mean you can't be fearful, it simply means you do it anyway in the face of fear.  I am so proud to be her mom as I would not be where I am had this amazing little gift not been given to me.
Your birth has been a gift I don't ever want to take for granted, I am so proud to be your mom.

Love, 
your mom


51 comments:

  1. I am so taken by this story and your brave little girl. Lots of good vibes sent her way to stay brave and happy. Hugs petra

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  2. What an amazing story so honest and so inspiring . Thank you so much Draguness1

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  3. I would like to have a better English to say everyting I would like to say to you, Not just Ava is brave, but you too. She could never have a better mother than you. I send you lots of hugs from Brazil!!! Francine

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  4. You and Ava are so blessed to have each other. Such and inspiring story Limor. Thank you for sharing. {hugs}
    ~Christina

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  5. You are truly blessed with a little angel in your home. It's tough being a mom but it is even more difficult having a brave child that challenges you to be brave. Hugs and many blessing for successful surgeries that will help Ava.

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  6. limor thanks for sharing your story and yes you are a very good MOM. god bless to you and your family.

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  7. WOW!!! It is an understatement to say that I have tears in my eyes... Both my children were born in the 8th month with a C-section and they had various "things", which passed the first month or so and I thought this was hell. I cannot imagine how you are doing it... RESPECT, Limor! You and your daughter are the bravest people I know!!!

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  8. Wow, precious Little Ava. I always think of her singing while sitting by you one Ustream class. She was happy to be creating by her Mother's side, totally in her own little world. Thank you for sharing her and your stories.

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  9. Oh my goodness! Mom is looking at me like what's wrong with you, why are you crying! Limor that story is the most heart touching story. You have always inspired me through your creativity, but now I so admire you for the woman and mother you are. You indeed are brave ~

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  10. You left me speechless...I was always amazed how much love and joy your whole family radiates, only now I got an idea what you are going through. Your strength is amazing... Thank you for the trust and sharing this with us.

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  11. Oh my goodness. this is not what I was expecting? What a courageous girl!! You are all so brave,

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  12. Happy Birthday Ava! Thanks Limor for sharing her birth story. She is a Brave one indeed.

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  13. I needed a more Kleenex towels, when I read it. But, you might learn a lot from this little brave strong man. And it grows on the quests. I can understand you very well, as well as after the birth of my daughter was very ill and she had a heart operation then. Everything you have written so well I can empathize. I wish you all a brave and happy time. You are a great family. Hope you can understand my englisch.Lots if hugs
    Iris from Germany :)

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  14. Wow, I shouldnt have read this at work..amazing story, thank you for sharing!

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  15. You have the bravest little girl. She is truly a miracle. Thank you for sharing your story. Now I have to go get more kleenex.

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  16. Thank you so much for sharing your very moving story.

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  17. Oh Limor, Thank you so much for sharing with us all. It is so true that with every difficulty we face, God has also blessed us in so many ways. What an amazing little girl he has given you to teach you all that she has in this life. Blessings in disguise. God bless you all.

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  18. Ava truly is an amazing and brave little girl. I also think her mommy is just as brave, first for standing strong for you baby, secondly for sharing "your" story with the world. We never know what life events will be included during our walk on this earth. But it's not the event that matters it's how we handle them. My dear you are handling this well. I pray for continued strength for you and your husband. Ava is a beautiful and brave little girl. God will continue to bless you all.

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  19. OMG... that is such an amazing story! You are one strong Mama and she is one amazing little girl! HUGS to you both!

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  20. Ohhhh Limor!! You are a super mom and her daughter is an example of overcoming! Congratulations to this beautiful family and may God bless you!

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  21. Happy Birthday Ava! What an inspiration you are little child. Give your Mom an extra hug today because she loves you very much!

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  22. Oh wow Limor such great courage, what a special little girl you have.

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  23. Now that I have stopped crying I want to thank you for sharing your story. Bravery comes in many forms.Ava is so brave to endure all those surgeries and you and your husband are so brave to stand by your daughter during the rough times. Many would have walked away. God bless you all and Happy Birthday Ava!

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  24. Tears are still rolling down my face. They are not tears of sadness but tears of amazement. That this sweet precious girl is so full of life as we have seen in videos and pictures. Yet what she has been through could have made her into a negative person. Instead she is just awesome. You were blessed with your children. Hugs~Lynda

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  25. Limor i do believe that only the best are given children who need extra care that's why your family has Ava. Thank you so much for sharing your story and I wish Ava a very happy birthday. xxx

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  26. Wow wow! Happy birthday Ava!! You are a very brave girl!! You show us how precious life is, so we don't take things for granted. Thank you Limor for sharing your story with us. It was really touching. Your strength and courage is noticible to all of us. Ava is so blessed to have such a great Mom!

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  27. Happy birthday Ava! This world is a better place because of you. Limor, you are such a strong person even when you don't think you are. Hang in there....both of you! Thank you for sharing this story and making me use a box of tissues........now I have to shop for more! :)

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  28. Wow - yes, tissues were needed. You are such a strong person and Ava is so brave. So, she can be a Diva all she wants. Thanks for sharing your story and inspiring me with your art. Happy Birthday Ava!!!!!

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  29. I have always been amazed by your talent as an artist and teacher, when I see you create on ustream I always wonder how does she do that so fast, or come up with so many ideas and it always looks so good. You are one of the 3 main artist who 1st inspired me to do mixed media and Ive fallen in love with it. My week isn't the same if I miss a class, which happened yesterday and lets just say anyone that worked for that company yesterday definitely had to be brave after they dealt with me, I wasn't very nice Im ashamed to say. But in my defense it was the last class for a whole month. But back to subject at hand, I am now even more amazed at you as a woman, a mother, and also an artist. Such an amazing and scary life you live each day and you do it with love, laughter, friendship, inspiration and creativity. Thank you so much for sharing, its such an honor and inspiration that you share with all of us, and makes us sit back and see how blessed we all are.

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  30. The internet company is who I was talking about that made me miss class if that wasn't understood, LOL

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  31. Wow! Such a touching and inspiring story! I think I have a lesson to learn from Ava's attitude and I'm grateful to you for sharing your story. That is simply amazing. You're amazing too, Limor!

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  32. God bless Ava, you, your husband and your oldest daughter!!!! Your story gave me goose bumps and filled my heart with LOVE for you and yours. Although I felt LOVE for you before I read this story of yours. I LOVE your teaching... I LOVE it when Ava comes in with her high little voice and you let her stay. She too, is an artist with God giving abilities.

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  33. Limor, I'm so glad you shared your story. Your daughter is so brave, and she is so blessed to have you as a mother. God gave you to her as a gift because he knew you would be the perfect mother for her, and he doesn't make mistakes. I've been sick for 13 years and my mom has been my care taker. I always thank God for giving her to me for my very first birthday gift. A relationship between a mother and child is special, but since Ava has had challenges in her little life, the relationship between the two of you is going to be even stronger and much more of a blessing than imaginable as time goes by. I'll be praying for her healing and for you and your family for strength and support. Happy Birthday, Ava!!!

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  34. What a blessing Ava is to you, your family, and all who are part of her life - an inspiration!

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  35. Happy Birthday to your sweet Ava. Having worked in L&D for 20 years, I can picture your anguish. You are truly blessed to have such an inspiration as Ava. I am humbled that you were able to openly tell your story.

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  36. No one knows the how a birth will change a families life. All the best to you and Ava. Memories of my childhood come back when I hear your story.
    Ava

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  37. Thank you Limor for sharing a precious slice of your journey....having a son with special needs...I understand those knee buckling moments, and celebrating those which take our breath away. Happy Birthday wishes Miss Ava!

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  38. awwwwwww big hugs...she is such a brave lil girl and you are all growing because of it..Happy Birthday lil one :)

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  39. heartbreaking empowering story!
    thank u 4 sharing

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  40. Heart wrenching and I have tears rolling down my cheeks ... Thank you for sharing and yes it is a very special day. Happy birthday to a very special little girl. Big hugs from the bottom of the world.

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  41. Limor, I am so thankful that you have shared this. I have wondered, "why so much to do with Ava when you have other kids?" Now I truly understand the pics, the layouts, the references to her. Speaking from experience, I do see where you are coming from, and I totally get it now. You just never know when a fellow human being is going through a struggle. You just never know. I hear you and yours. My prayers will go your way. It's always good to have specifics to pray for. Take care. Thank you for your classes. I'll see the "interruptions" in such a different light from now on. :)

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  42. It is so very hard when children are ill and going through so much. The bravery of them is amazing and truly a learning experience. I have experienced some things with my children as well. It is amazing the strength and love that they share inspite of all the illnesses. Luckily, my children haven't had to experience all that Ava has but was life threatening as well. Thank you so much for sharing this with us! You are very brave and extremely inspiring!

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  43. What an amazing story! How courageous of you. Hope your daughter has a Happy and Blessed Birthday!

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  44. As a survivor of a stage IV rare childhood cancer, I've heard some pretty intense childhood illness stories. Ava's definitely ranks up there and she sounds like an INCREDIBLE kid! She's got a fan in Connecticut who will be rooting for her! It's always perplexing to me how the growing process can be such a blessing for some and so dangerous for others. Sounds like she's got it under control, though! ;-). Thank you so much for sharing that very personal story.

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  45. Transparent is right Limor - you are brave to be so open and honest with all of your followers and friends. A very brave little girl you have, and she has made you the person you are today.... and you have made her the person she is today too ... where do you think she gets it from? YOU.

    Thank you for sharing, you are an inspiration, thank you.

    Lorena
    www.ScrappingCorner.ca

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  46. Happy Birthday to your beautiful Ava.. What a truly inspirational little girl. Limor, your work has inspired me for a long time, now, your strength and courage have inspired me even more. What an amazing woman you are.. Its no wonder your daughter is the way she is, she gets it from her mum :) Big hugs to you, and Ava xx

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  47. I always respected you as an artist, now I respect you as a Woman. Ava needed a brave mom! And she got it! Bless your family!

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  48. Happy Birthday Ava!! You are really an inspiration. And a very brave mom indeed. God bless you and your family. You have a beautiful family and it shows.
    Yvette

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